Its hard to be alone...
Its hard to be alone…
It’s hard to be alone. How do you learn to not be lonely? I was never alone right after my divorce. I would make plans every night that I did not have my kids. I got into a serious relationship that eventually ended. After that ended, I went on numerous dates. However, I was still never really alone. I would never plan a night to just be at home by myself. That initial lonely feeling after divorce is something you can’t really explain. I would dread not having plans or having a whole day by myself.
I knew that I needed to learn to be home alone and be ok with it.
There are so many emotions after divorce and sometimes you just don’t even know what you are suppose to do. When I was home alone, it was deathly quiet. I missed my kids incredibly. I did not even know what to do when I was home alone. I had been married for 13 years and I had 3 kids, there was no time to just sit and be alone. Plus, I was a stay at home mom for over 8 years,, so I was used to being with them pretty much every minute of the day..so this intensified the lonely feeling. The constant chatter of kids to nothing. When I have my kids my life is crazy busy and loud, and then they leave and its so quiet.
So where do I start… I had not fully watched adult TV in years, I mean I had watched numerous kids programs..but definitely not adult tv. I felt like I really had no hobbies or anything that I really liked to do. So, after my break up I was over, I would start walking or running at night after work. It was the best thing for me to occupy my time and not go crazy being alone. Going from a marriage of 13 years to a serious relationship soon after, I probably had some things to work through.. Haha you would think.. So I would walk or run or do something active.
I would clean and organize, ya I know sounds crazy. But cleaning and organizing are things I like to do. I would organize my house.. There is a lot of organizing that can be done with 3 kids. I would save all my projects for the week so I could do them in the evening. I made lots of lists… I’m a list person.. But seriously can you spend the rest of your life cleaning and organizing.
I would always have music on… I love music. No kids means you can listen to whatever you want….It honestly felt like heaven.
I am pretty sure I would also talk to myself a lot, I would work through things, and it seemed to help. We are all a little crazy. I think we all feel a little lost after divorce and it does take time to find your place. I knew I needed to learn to be alone if I ever wanted to be content with myself. I knew I needed this time to figure out my areas of my life… emotions from the divorce and my breakup that I didn’t let go of yet. Ya, that could probably take a lifetime. But it worked… the time alone got me to put a lot of my past behind me.
And then the funny thing happened, I started to enjoy my time home alone. The more time that past, the more I enjoy my time alone and the more I was content with myself. Honestly, now I love the days I have to myself..I love when I have nothing to do. I say no to plans and will make time to just be by myself. I do not feel guilty for saying “no” because i honestly love being content with myself and doing things by myself.